Female Privilege

The desperation and loneliness of so many men in our society comes from the way men are treated. How touch and affection starved they've been all their lives. 

Quote from a trans man on becoming male:

"There's a huge sense of social isolation that comes with being perceived as male."

 

Why do you think there are so many awful, desperate, lonely men? Is it not entirely possible that lack of love is the cause of the problem. There are aspects to the "typical" male socialisation that are emotionally catastrophic. Most men are insane with repressed emotional pain. Emotional cruelty is why there are so many lonely desperate and broken men. 

So many women are willing to blame men for the mess of society and think that they are good people just because they're not male. So many people mock and despise men because of their lonely desperation. 

And nothing changes. It doesn't change until we end the war. And the women who fight the war against men are fighting on the side of the patriarchy. The patriarchy is in the war between men and women. Fear and hatred of men is an evil symptom of the patriarchy. So many people who think they're good are fighting for the system of the patriarchy - hoping to put themselves and other women at the top and men at the bottom (except perhaps a few broken emasculated cowards they think are on the right side). 

The assumption that male might mean predator - however justified you feel it is - is alienating. And by and large it is the alienation in our society that is the cause of all the brokenness. Most men are as damaged by and scared of the predators as anyone else. 

Don't forget, white feminism is the worst and will fight viciously against anything that doesn't put itself at the top and centre.

I've been homeless. I've been mad. I lived in a cult for ten years.  I've been in prison. I'm Queer and Jewish. I've been at Cambridge University (I dropped out in my second year due to going mad). I had a traumatic religious upbringing with cruel parents. I'm white, male, and straight passing. I'm neurodivergent. I've spent years working with the homeless. 

My life has been marked by a unique intersection of axes of privilege and oppression. As everyone's has, to differing degrees. This is why intersectional feminism is so important. Intersectional feminism is a powerful lens for the understanding of self, through social forces that have shaped our experience of life, and gender is only one dimension of identity.

And that's the thing. For anyone you meet you have no idea of their pain, nor who they are. Any assumption based on their gender presentation is a shallow, and probably therefore evil, judgment. It's fine to be shrewd but you keep eyes open to see the real person to avoid evil judgement. For evil judgement is its own reward within your character. You will see the world wrongly and live deluded.

Everyone has barriers, and thinks they're justified. I'm guarded having been hurt by many women, as well as men, in my life. The challenge of a lifetime is to be able to safely drop those barriers and find emotional and psychological wholeness.

I understand the society we live in, and the need for safe spaces for women and non-binary people. I met and sang with She Choir Manchester at Bluedot Festival and I adore the beautiful community they've built. But by and large Radical Inclusion is the culture of social healing. A society where love is the law. 

I haven't oppressed women. I've loved women. Any assumption I personally might be a predator, by virtue of the coincidence of my gender, is a painful accusation. Which is fine, you're allowed to be like that. And I'm allowed to not like you, and think you mean spirited for denying my humanity. And thus we won't be friends. And this is the way of the world. I come as a hurting fellow human, able to see your pain. You may judge me as a man if you wish. 

This is not a diatribe against boundaries, boundaries are essential to be able to love. It's a diatribe against a lack of love, a lack of respect, the absence even of common decency. 

Withholding common decency whilst you assess someone is emotionally oppressive and how you manipulate people. Especially the emotionally starved. If I'm not treated with common decency then I don't owe it to anyone. That's basic. 

In regards to male pain, all anyone can ask of other people is that they care. I'll care about your pain if you care about mine. I'll probably care about your pain anyway, but if you can't care about my pain I can't like you. 

It's not men versus women, it's good people versus bad people. I'm a feminist. We need feminists to stand up for men because we need men to be feminists if we want to heal.

It is massively easier to blame than it is to understand. If you want men to change we have to treat them better, not worse. Some of us are fighting to end the war that some of you are still fighting in.